I always have loads of questions for Jesus after doing any serious reading in John's gospel. It is the one I find most difficult. In this version of the story, Jesus is cryptic and mysterious. Sometimes I am intrigued by the Jesus that is aloof and almost moody, but usually, I prefer the concrete Jesus of the other gospels. John's Jesus knows us too thoroughly. It is as though he can anticipate our thoughts and know what is going to happen before it takes place. This Jesus is scary, more God-like than human.

So Jesus, do you know us like you knew the disciples you chose face to face? Do you know which of us will have the courage to build your church? Do you know which of us will be a ho-hum disciple, a fickle, fair-weather follower? Do you know which of us will deny you, which of us will betray you? Are you still asking us to follow you? Will you take the time to teach us the meaning of your way?

To be honest myself, I'm not so sure I want my heart examined so openly. I don't want to be exposed to my own sins and shortcomings in such bright light. Jesus sees me for exactly who I am, and I find that disconcerting. I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character myself, but I'm no match for Jesus. Jesus sees what no amount of human intuition or perception can easily grasp. We may get good at reading expressions or discerning the tone of another's voice, but Jesus knows it all. It's not just a magic trick that he can tell Nathanael that he knows him from sitting under the fig tree. Jesus really, really knows him.

How can Jesus take this group of guys, a group he knows for their cynicism and lusts for power, and then turn them into disciples, schooled in telling the story of God's love? We can't begin to say. Was it something in them Jesus saw from the beginning, or was it cultivated by spending time with their Lord? Who knows? Honestly Jesus seems to be making some rather random choices all along. In John's gospel, he chooses from among John the Baptist's disciples, but the other gospels support him picking up fishermen and tax collectors.

(This message ended with some reflections on my Reforming Ministry seminar - no script for this portion of the sermon.)